


If i can't say love you to my heart, how can i say love to you?

by IntoZeFuture



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 05:52:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13381524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntoZeFuture/pseuds/IntoZeFuture
Summary: After 3×09. Since Kara crashed, as she was unconscions, she had some suffering experience, but she may not be the most painful person.When she awakened, she finds out she is in a special and surprising position. After that, hat will happen?Did this event changed something? Obviously this is a life changing event, but for Kara, maybe not just that simple.





	If i can't say love you to my heart, how can i say love to you?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, and this is a rush work, because I want to post the first chapter before next episode(3×10), and I tried hard(thank god, I did it). So if you saw anything wrong or error or mistake or anything, please tell me, I will really appreciate. Also, if you liked this, I will be very happy.

When she suddenly awakened from a coma, her chaotic brain doesn't know how to work, she can't use her brain to deal with all the information received by her tired and confused sense organs. She has a very serious intense headache, all the sight she saw is dizzy and blurry, all the sound she heard is loud and noisy. She can't feel anything but pain, it's like her full body doesn't belong to her, but all the excruciating pain that can be felt everywhere in her body is constantly denied that thought.

Is this reality or just another maddening space? She doesn't know how to distinguish, that nightmare experience has completely destroyed her mind.

In a few seconds, there are many people appeared around her, their faces seem blurry and distant, they seem try to say something to her, but that makes no sense of her, she can't tell who they are, she also can't tell what they are talking about.

Everything is blurry.

And then her thoughts become chaos again, her mind fades away, and her eyes close slowly.

As expected, this is just another nightmare. When will this end? Will this actually end?

The infinity darkness and the coldest air invade her body again, she can't make any action at all, even consciousness seems to be frozen up. She can't think, and she have no memories.

When she was about to become a part of huge coldest ice cube, there is a vague figure emerging in the distance, it's female, and it's familiar, but she can't tell who she is. She stood there like a lighthouse, start to give out the warm lights in this dark world. And when the lights shine on her, like a thunder lightning strike across her heart, she regains her power, her body gets rid of the control of the cold ice, and she rushes toward to the distant figure.

She accelerates, she accelerates and accelerates again, she tried her best to run, she even considers if she is beyond her limiting speed, but still not enough, she can't shorten the slightest distance between them. The woman figure just stood there like a statue, without any movement, but can't shorten the slightest distance.

Who is she?

She doesn't know.

But, the only thing she knows is she must to go to her side, she must...

In the end, her strength was running out, but her footsteps still continued, she won't stop, she refuses to give up. There must something horrible will happen if she gives up.

However, the cold caught up her again, intruding into her, devouring her bit by bit. She wanted to shout, but couldn't make any sound, she tried to struggle, but didn't have any strength. Eventually, she still didn't escape the fate of being wrapped in huge ice.

When her eyes about to close, she finally catches the sight of the woman's face, it's blurry and vague, but eventually, she recognized this should have been very familiar face.

Alex, I'm so cold...

......

Her eyes slowly opened, she is very weak, and the pain is full of her body. She tried her best to blink several times, the blurry feeling gradually eliminated from her dim eyes. Then she finds out she is covered by the slight soft light, with this faint light, she recognizes that this probably is the one of DEO's medical room, along with the special concentrated solar waves device can mimic Earth's yellow sun for her.

Where am I? Even though she already recognizes the exact location, she still can't understand. Is this another scenery that she unable to compete against? The fear of infinity darkness still controlled her chaotic mind.

And why I'm here? She tried to find an answer from her disorganized memory pieces, but all she got is an intense headache, so she had to give up the thought of continuing search.

Then she tried to lift an arm, but she finds her limbs can't move at all, even a little finger. Her body didn't have any strength, and there is another scary thing, she seems like to be tightly wrapped by an unknown object that can make her feel warm or even hot. And that make her mind chaotic again, even a little panic.

Her strengthless stiff neck can't even make a simple move like turn or lower, though, she still recognizes the object is a human by the view of the edge of her vision and the regular warm gas received by her neck.

She was suddenly awakened and surprised by this inference, the touch of reality and the temperature of the body, does this mean…she is finally returned to reality?

The endless nightmare finally over? This conclusion made her feel really relieved.

Then the first thing that comes to her mind is "who is this", as for the other important issue "what is this situation" did not appear in her mind.

Who is this? Who will hug her like that, so tightness but it's also so tenderness, she can feel the warmth and not get hurt. And even that person was in sleep, still not let go of a little, like if doing that then will lose something most important.

A split seconded later, before her brain has time to think through, her lips are already opened subconsciously, made a sound:

"Alex?"

She can't believe this is her own voice, it's so weak, thin, hoarse, even in this quietness room, it's still barely hearing. The voice volume is too low, even if two people sitting side by side are also probably will not be noticed, not to mention a sleeping person.

When she realized that, she opens her mouth again, try to make a higher voice.

But the next moment, the most incredible thing happened, she got a reply.

"Kara?"

A vague voice with drowsiness instantly filled Kara's heart with warmth and touch. Alex is always the one who cares most about her.

"KARA?!"

She seemed realized what happened, drowsiness is completely disappear in her voice, there is surprise and happiness instead.

Alex raised her upper body with her right elbow, she looks down then her gaze met Kara's weak but warm eyes.

There was a slight smile on Kara's face, the people she most wanted to see finally come into her sight.

"You're awake?" Kara said with a teasing smile. Her voice is still hoarse, but it's raised a little than the first one.

"Says by a woman who unconscious for 12 days." Alex would have liked to try relaxed and made some fun of Kara, but she failed, she burst into tears as she just said out the very first word, her tears streaming out from the corner of her eyes, continue rolling down from her cheeks. Her tone was heavy and her entire sentence was stammered because of the whimper.

Facing Alex's tearful words and her sob tone, saw Alex's tears fell upon her. The memory reorganized piece by piece, antecedents and consequences are clear in Kara's mind.

The tingle in her heart like a fierce fire, Kara sighed though that was more like covered up a sob, "Will you wipe your tear for me? Please, you know I never used to see you cry." She desperately wanted to do that for Alex, more than anything.

"Then maybe you shouldn't give me a broken-heart in the first place." Alex took back her left hand that had been hugging Kara like forever. She randomly wiped her face a few time with her hand back before she reached out wiped away the tears fell on Kara's face as tenderly as she can. Maybe the tears not just hers, Alex thought internally.

Kara felt a heavy thud in her chest, cause her sorrow heart got a fierce shrink. She can't find any word or anything to reply, eventually the only thing she can do is murmured a miserable "sorry".

"You don't need to say sorry, you were doing great." Alex kept her hand on Kara's face, she kept it so close, as if there have any interspace she will lose the most important person, again. But she also kept it so tenderly, like the skin she touched is so delicate and fragile.

"No, I'm not. If so you won't get hurt and I won't see you cry."

Alex just stared at her for a moment before she gently shook her head, "You're always doing great, trust me." Alex had the most comfortable and most soothing voice.

"I..." Kara can't continue her sentence, because now she is really wordless. Did she regret? She did. But not for the single-handed fight against Reign, that's her responsibilities, she is her fated arch enemy, she must to do that alone. But what regretted her is she didn't fight well, she couldn't stay calmly and cautiously. And that not only made herself get injured, that also hurt deeply the people that love and care about her.

Alex didn't say anything as well, she just stared Kara blankly, but her eyes constantly flashed various complicated lights of emotion.

After a while Alex parts her lips again "I need to call the doctor to check your state." She seems a little hurry, like it's just popped out from her mind.

As she moved a little she heard a weak voice of Kara "Don't go..." Then she turned her head to the sound source.

Kara stares Alex's confused eyes, she whispered, "Please, stay here with me." Then added another words, "I'm fine."

Alex looked at her hesitantly, seems like that her heart is full of contradictions, as she's struggling, unable to make a decision.

Kara is familiar with this expression, and she knows how to deal with it by making a decision for her, "So, 12 days, that's a long time. Will you talk to me about...I don't know...after I'm unconscious?"

Alex's eyes are still hesitant, but eventually she said tentatively, "Since you were crash...get injured," it seems she's very uncomfortable with that word, just made a single syllable before she changed the word. "Reign is still keeping her head low, we searched her millions times..."

"No, not those things," Kara interrupted her quickly, "I want to hear about you, about your feelings. You must have spent the most horrible and toughest days..." She worked hard to make a near-perfect smile, but she can't help there is a little sadness on the upward curve of her mouth.

"Why?" Alex muttered.

"So the next time when I try to do something recklessly or stupidly, like...lose a battle or jump from a skyscraper, for example." Kara grinned before she continued, "I can use those to alert me." Behind the jestful words, there is a more important reason that Kara can't say out loud. She didn't want Alex's heart still carry on some heavy feelings, not even a second, so even though now isn't the best time, but she still insisted let Alex vents the messy chaotic feel. She maybe just woke up a little time, but it's enough for her to know that.

"Yeah, I don't think so." A bitter-smile appeared on Alex's face, but as she saw those pleading eyes, she had a moment of meditation before she opened her mouth slowly, "I'm not sure how to tell..." Her lips quivered slightly, can't tell if this is because she had just cried or some other reasons, "As I saw you were cra...get injured," Alex swallowed the word back immediately as the moment the word tried escaped from her throat, "At the very beginning, I'm in a complicated zone contained shock, chaos, utterly confused and disconcerted, and my brain is buzzing with intense swelling pain, although, I'm still remained calm, I didn't know how, but I was. Now think back, maybe deep in my heart I know that my duty is a most important factor of saving your life."

Alex let out a deep exhale, "After bringing you back to the DEO with other agents, as I saw your body covered all over with blood, lying in the bed of emergency room lifelessly, I couldn't hold on, I'm collapsed..."

Alex paused a moment, she turned her face to another direction, she looked away from Kara's face for the first time since she woke up. She didn't want Kara to see her expression, more important thing is, she didn't want to see Kara's extremely sorrowful expression and eyes now. If she saw Kara's face now, she absolutely can't continue her speech, she has no doubt about that.

By this time, she is clearly understood Kara's kindly thoughtful intention. So, she will try her best to reply Kara's care and love. She will continue, it's for Kara and also it's for herself. Maybe she can't describe it clearly, or completely explain every feeling, though, she still wants to say something out as much as she can. Maybe she can put some pain down or get some relieve, but more important thing is, she wants to let Kara know, she wants to convey her own feelings to Kara. Maybe that won't get anything better, but at least, she will know, and that's all she wants.

"I completely lost during the first couple days," Alex seems determined her decision, she returned her face back, "I even don't know how I survived in these days. The fear of losing you gripped my throat, my mind, my heart... I may not have more than you about the memories of those days." She tried to show a quip smile, but when it arises, it's just sad and miserable, like her expression. "Expect the countless times when you're on the verge of dying, those are unforgettably. Every alarm from the monitor instruments made me shake with fear or mad irregular pounding of heart, and even a small exclamation from someone around can also do the same thing to me."

"After those days, my mind is still muddleheaded. Every time I try to calm down, there is a voice in my heart will mocking me 'yeah, like you can do that' " Alex gulped.

"And the scariest thing is when my head is a little cleared, it's getting worse. I can't stop to blame myself, and I'm so regretful. Because this is all my fault. I shouldn't stimulate or even encourage you rush to a hurried fight. How can I let the sadness and fear blinded my mind? Just because I have some painful experience, then I let a person who had the worst painful experience go to face a mystic horrible enemy, how can I do that? You trusted me, and I failed you. This is all MY FAULT..."

"NO! That's NOT true!" Kara cried out, "How dare you..." 

But Alex didn't get interrupted, she carried on "All I know is that every single alarm from the monitor is accusing me, ' you can't help her, you can't do anything, it's your fault...' and it's right, I can't do anything, I can't protect you from get hurt, I can't do something magical to get you back. I tried to pray, but I can't even do this, I'm so useless, my heart can't calm for a second. This reminds me something happened when I was little, once I got lost, I can't find mom, I can't find anyone to help me. At that time, I'm so helpless, I'm so scared. And now I'm also helpless, scared, but the difference is that now my feelings are 100 times, 1000 times stronger..." Alex's emotion is getting a little stir up, and her voice is getting a little higher.

"And I don't know when to start, and I don't know why or how, but suddenly all my self-accusation turned to you, I started to blame you, criticize you, and even hate you for let me had such an experience. I said something bad to you internally, and even try to snarl, howl to you when you are unconscious. Something like 'I know you had been some tough life, but can you stop making my life become tough too?' or 'If you leave me now, I will never forgive you...' "

"But the truth is," Alex took a deep breath, cleared her throat, "If I lost you, I will NEVER forgive myself! When I realized that, I am more disgusted and hated myself, I don't know what happened to me. How can I think of you like that? That's so selfish, shameless, stupid..."

"No," Kara choked with sobs, "You're just...you are just too scared."

"Yes, I am. I cannot lose you, how can I live in a world without you?" Alex's voice trembled, her eyes becomes red for long, she must have been restrained herself all the time, she can't cry now, not yet. "But that's not a reason to push responsibility to you, I'm so bad, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. After all YOU are the one that get serious injured for saving the world."

"Maybe I'm not..." Kara said that quietly with a whimper, she owes her too much.

"I just want you know," Alex swallowed the tear in her throat," The scene of your crash from high is the most terrible nightmare I've had in these days, but not the only one."

"So, please, never, never, never let me experience this pain again..." Finally, Alex's tear came down, she's no longer restrained herself, she stopped talking, now all she can do is cry.

When Kara saw the infinite pain on Alex's face, she's caught by silence, she can't find anything, any word to soothing Alex. She thought the infinity darkness and the endless time when she was in a coma was the most suffering thing, and now she knows that absolutely can't compare with Alex's experience.

The only thing Kara wants to do is reaching out wrapped her and hold her tight, the inconsolable, tearful person who she loved and let her heart broken. But she can't, she can't even do this simple act now. So she just twitched the muscles on her face, touched the hand stays on her cheek like forever. And her silent tears streaming down from her eyes, constantly glide into the reassuring fingers.

As Alex felt the little touch on her palm, as she saw Kara's mixed with a variety of emotional eyes, she instantly understood what her meant. She leaned down then. Slowly, tenderly rubbed Kara's cheek with her own cheek, when she eventually come to rest, their cheeks stick together. And their tears mixed together.

"You're the only one I have, don't leave me alone."

"I will never."

They're still crying, but the tight hug with each other was helping a lot. The warmth spread throughout all over them, and the miserable, painful, unstable emotions slowly turn to peaceful.

The time is passing, no one knows how long they are in this position. Then Kara opened her mouth again, "Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry." She says quietly. She still wants to say sorry. 

Why? Did she do something wrong? Without doubt. Get Alex hurt is her biggest mistake.

"I know."

2 words, 100% warmth.

"You really are the best sister in the whole universe." Kara believes her heart is going to melt as she felt Alex's tenderness and softness.

"And you maybe are the most worrying sister in the whole universe." They both smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you too."


End file.
